As mentioned in our call the Erotic Massage that we are starting with is all about communication and learning how your partner likes to be touched. Always keep in mind that erotic means desire, so as you go through this process you are learning what your body desires in its deepest parts, and not just what you think it should desire.
This exercise will be an ongoing practice of consent and communication and that is one of the main things that we want to work through, because it’s about being vulnerable and surrendering. It’s important to remember that vulnerability is safe. It’s a safe space, and it’s the most conducive medium for maximum pleasure.
Doing this exercise you will learn how to give and receive feedback, without feeling guilty or taking it personally. You will simply be learning things like, “stroke harder”, “touch softer” without feeling like you should have known that before, or that you are somehow not achieving in some way. This process is all about learning, and it’s going to expand your awareness of what is possible and prepare your body to accept levels, and stages, and lengths of pleasure that you may not have known before.
With this massage, breath is very important. Breathing deeply breathing is the key to pleasure. Breathe in and out of your mouth, with slightly parted lips. Keep your neck and your jaw relaxed and your breath easy and unforced. It may help to put your focus and your concentration on your inhale, and then just let your exhale fall out. When you are giving the massage it’s equally important to be aware of how you are breathing make sure that you are maintaining that soft, no rush, space.
If you feel that you are starting to rush in any way you can pause part of the massage. Massage technique can also include simply being still. Being held is a form of massage in and of itself.
Now for the technical bits.
Start at the bottom of your partner’s feet at the very tip of their toes and move up their body with light strokes. Your hand can slide your fingers along, or you may just gently caress every single inch of your partner’s body slowly and steadily, and get feedback on how it feels in each space. If you are not used to giving automatic feedback as the person receiving the massage, my suggestion is for the massager to say “how does this feel?” as you move to each new space. You may choose to have your own rating system where it can be you know perhaps three options of not great, ok, fantastic and simply move along a body like that.
Once you have done soft touch, start once again at the bottom of the feet move all the way to the top of the head over every inch of your partners body with a medium touch this is a touch that simply is firmly felt on the skin but not into muscle and continue the same process moving across each stage. The third phase will be using a firm touch. When I say firm touch still we are not going into muscle. This is where you will looking for the resilient edge of every area of your partner’s body.
Your resilient edge is found where your body begins to push back against the fingers that are pushing into it. So if you hold your own arm and press down, where you feel your body start to resist your pressing is your resilient edge and that is the third form of pressure that you will be going through with your partner; again asking the same questions for every new area “how does this feel?” and give feedback.
With this third form of touch you will notice that different parts of the body have different levels of resilient edge. Some you may able to push further before feeling that push back, others much softer. As the person giving the massage, you will need to pay attention to where that edge is. Once this has been done for one partner you can then swap roles.
This is an exercise that you can continue with as often as you want to and you can change up the massage techniques continuing to give feedback and ask questions of your partner as you progress. You will see that sometimes depending on the day, you may prefer certain touch, you may prefer certain speeds, and various other aspects. It’s important to note these for yourself and share them with your partner. Communication is key. There may be days where you do not even want to be touched in a certain space, and that is where the aspect of consent comes in, and there is nothing wrong with saying I am not comfortable with that touch today.
As you go through this exercise, try to enter it from a space of baseline pleasure as far as possible. If you need to set the tone and bring some nature and greenery into your space, or even do these massages in nature that’s fine. Come from a quiet space, have your breathing soft and deep before you begin, and it will help the experience be that much better for the both of you.
I look forward to hearing your feedback and progressing further forward in ways of the erotic (desire) massage.